From age thirteen til thirty I identified as a man interested in women. During these eighteen years only two women expressed romantic or sexual interest in me unprompted. Both of them were friends of mine. There was a third ambigous case but thats it! Here is what I looked like recently:
That should give you some idea of how I looked. I am a bit short (5’8”) but I was usually in quite decent shape (I could do 15-25 pullups at all times, could always at least bench bodyweight, etc). During my adulthood I always had a decently active social life. For some of my adult life I had a very active social life.
Most men are unbelievably desexualized. I think many people have no idea what ‘average’ guys are actually like. And they certainly don’t seem to understand how demoralizing it is for most guys to date. I don’t endorse unhealthy responses to male lonliness. But I wanted to share the empirical reality I experienced: I got unprompted interest from women about once a decade. This really sucks. I hope one day society is able to have much healthier norms. I have a lot of respect for any guys who found a way to deal with the hand they were dealt. It’s rough out there. Stay strong brothers.
Context: A lot of my pals are discussing articles like this one and what advice men need. I love sharing advice. But I only like advice when it is very high impact. Most dating advice for guys doesn’t seem very high impact to me. And I think most advice doesn’t contend with how demoralizing the situation is.